mothwizard:

me: i want something very short and small and cutesy but most importantly body safe and discreet

sex toy companies: try the DEVASTATOR SEVENTY THREE INCHES OF PURE JELLY RUBBER HYPER REALISTIC VEINS WE SHOWED IT TO A NUN ONCE AND SHE BURST INTO FLAMES THERE’S ONLY ONE SETTING: DEVASTATION THE VIBRATIONS CAUSED AN EARTHQUAKE MILLIONS ARE DEAD

purehearts:

hiddenlex:

bestnatesmithever:

karenfelloutofbedagain:

theunknown-abyss:

Louis CK on our culture on dating

I HAVE SO MUCH RESPECT FOR THIS MAN.

'Ugh, I hope this one's nice'

I may or may not have referenced this joke when making a point today. 

I want to kiss this man. On the cheek tho.

Lovi and Feli- jokes 4

pastaforanime:

Feli- Lovi! Lovi!

Lovi- yes darling?

Feli- what does an Italian say during sex?

Lovi- Fuck not these again…

Feli- ItaliIN ItaliOUT

Lovi- …….what do you call me during sex?

Feli- ………uh…..

Lovi- LoviYES

Feli-…..

Lovi- I’m so proud of myself

iwantneymarsjunior:

Translation:
“HEY THERE! Can I rest now? Or not? huh? Yes or not? Yeeeeeeeessss.”

emq:

ahmed!!!!!!!! 

nevvzealand:

i used to think blogging was writing pages of what you have been doing and plans for the future and thoughts you have and to upload photos of your travels or your friends but here we are as bloggers and all the information that is on my page is 1+1=banana

theroguefeminist:

elvisgal:

do u ever wonder how many people would be non binary if they were actually educated on sex/gender and were encouraged to explore themselves 

I was talking to this person about nb genders and like mid way through the conversation they were like “wait tell me more about this i think that might be me”

Thiago Silva meets Pelé.

basicallybrazil:

daevidluiz:

Tbh suarez is so horrible and him playing in my fave team now makes me so stressed and pissed

if he ruins the barca name by fucking biting someone, barcelona will get their asses dragged forever

endlesskng:

straightallies:

grumpyspacetoad:

hashtagthatsreal:

weteevee:

is this how christian couples takes baths together

I don’t understand why it needs the gender colored lighting….

straight people need reassurance at every step in their lives

no homo couple’s bathtub

OKAY.  AGAIN.  I WILL SAY IT AGAIN.

THIS BATH IS BRILLIANT BECAUSE IT LETS YOU FUCKING BATHE TWO PEOPLE WITHOUT HAVING TO COMPROMISE ON TEMPERATURE.

SOME PEOPLE LIKE IT HOT.  SOME LIKE IT COLD.  SOME LIKE TO ALMOST BLISTER AND OTHERS AREN’T COMFORTABLE IF THEY’RE NOT FLIRTING WITH FROST BITE.

AND SOMETIMES THESE PEOPLE ARE A COUPLE AND WANT TO BE ROMANTIC AND BATHE TOGETHER BUT CAN’T STAND THE OTHER’S TEMPERATURE.

SO THEY EITHER COMPROMISE OR THEY GET A TUB THAT LET’S THEM EACH BE COMFORTABLE, AND ALLOWS THEM TO LOOK EACH OTHER IN THE FACE TO BOOT SO THAT THEY CAN ACTUALLY TALK AND SHIT.

AND IT HAS OTHER USES.  GOT KIDS OF DIFFERENT AGES?  NEED THEM BOTH TO BATHE AT THE SAME TIME?  PUT THE OLDER ONE IN THE BACK AND LET ‘EM HAVE ALL THE FUN THEY WANT ON THEIR OWN, AND BATHE THE YOUNGER ONE UP FRONT WHERE YOU CAN HELP WASH THEM.

THIS BATH IS FUCKING GENIUS FOR HOUSES WITH MORE THAN ONE PERSON LIVING IN IT.  AND YOU GET HUNG UP ON A(n admittedly overstereotyped) COLOR CHOICE?!?

drdavidbrinner:

drdavidbrinner:

Today in gym class we were doing major climbing and halfway up this girl freezes and goes “I CAN’T DO IT I CAN’T DO IT”

so some dude yells “MY AUNT SAID DAT AT HER WEDDIN’ BUT SHE MARRIED DAT FINE-ASS DOCTOR AND NOW SHE RICH AS HELL” 

the girl did it. truly inspiring.

I should add that it was a shrimpy 5’1 Indian boy nobody had ever heard talk before who was apparently from the deep south. 

"you only watch football because they’re hot"

panic-at-the-isco:

panic-at-the-isco:

awww yes

image

look at that

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bask in the glory 

image

such hotness

image

i swear to god this post is never going away is it

lokislongluscioussantahat:

coll-of-the-haunted:

zelda-in-a-tutu:

impmon:

babyferaligator:

babyferaligator:

beginning of joke

image

image

i honestly dont understand this joke and its frustrating me

Well, I guess you’re missing the

image

image

 I do have a remarkable tendency to miss the Juicy Juice Hypotenuse.

Can we always call it that oh my god

honeytreebee:

AU where Romano is the needy kid in middle school and the bft [really Gilbert] poke fun at him for having braces and big coke bottle glasses. Middle school is over and they start high school and everyone thinks there’s a new kid because puberty treated Romano well and he doesn’t have braces anymore and wear contacts most of the time. Antonio and Romano end up a thing somehow or another and Romano likes to rub it in Gilbert’s face for all the ‘ugly duckling’ comments Gil gave him in middle school

HW